Your beliefs form your reality (and your stress reaction)

The ABC model is a framework developed by Albert Ellis, based on the idea that how we think about an event highly impacts our reaction to it. Sounds reasonable, doesn’t it? If I believe current events will have a huge negative impact on my life they will cause more stress. If I think I’m capable of dealing with the events in front of me and I believe that they won’t have an all-encompassing effect on my life I will be less stressed.

Based on this well-supported by researched idea, if we are capable of changing our beliefs, thoughts and views we can reduce our stress reaction. It comes with practice, long formed ideas need time to change so be patient with yourself. Ready to start?

• A >Activating Event: The situation, event, or experience that triggers a response. This could be external (your boss unexpectedly asks for a meeting, a friend not replying to your message for days, which is unusual in your relationship) or internal (a current event is similar to a bad experience in your past even though nothing bad has happened so far).
• B >Beliefs: The interpretations, judgements, and meanings we attach to the activating event. These include automatic thoughts, assumptions, and deeper core beliefs.
• C > Consequences: The emotional and behavioural outcomes that follow from our beliefs. These include how we feel, what we do, and sometimes how we feel physically.

The idea is that if we can start changing our beliefs the activating event will have a less intense impact on us, the consequences might take a new  form and our reactions will be more aligned with our favourite selves. Let’s get to work.

Find a situation that has made you really stressed lately and have a look!

Let’s relearn the alphabet

Activating event

What were the specific events, without drawing any conclusions? Just the facts, what actually happened! Try to tell yourself the story as if you were watching it through a camera, no assumptions, no mind reading just what happened, what was said, facts that all involved parties would agree happened.

Beliefs

What related convictions and beliefs do you have that make the event feel difficult or threatening?
What did you think about the event as it happened?

Consequences

What feelings arose in you as a result of what happened and your beliefs?
How did you react? Try, as much as you can, to rely on the objective facts without bias. A good way to gauge this is to ask yourself, for example, whether the other party would accept your description of your behaviour! If so, then there’s a good chance you were objective.

What does B really stand for?

Now that you’ve seen your initial reactions, it’s time to return to your Beliefs. Ask yourself the following questions, reflect on your experience, and perhaps even start developing a new reaction that serves you better!

Do you find the idea presented in the Belief section to be true in every case? Has there ever been a past event that proves the opposite of this belief? In our example, this would include any time your boss wanted to talk to you, but in the end, there was no problem at all.
Does this belief help you? In other words, does it move you forward in taking action or finding solutions, or does it make your life better? Obviously, many of these reactions arise as defense mechanisms to prepare you for potential danger, but it’s still clear that they sometimes lead to unnecessary worry.
If it doesn’t help, what thought would serve you better, one that would result in a reaction that would make you happier or more satisfied?
What could you gain if you let go of this belief? What would your life be like, and how would you feel, without this thought?

Once you’ve gone through all of this, consider which belief – the one you had before or the one you’ve just formulated-would serve you better in the future. Although we often have no control over events, with awareness and perseverance, you can rewrite these internal monologues, and with them, your reactions. And do you know what changes when your thoughts and reactions change? Maybe everything.